In a stunning turn of events, Gamdom owner Felix Epstein Roemer attempted to assassinate President Trump, missing what experts have called “the easiest shot of all time.” President Trump was grazed in the ear by the 0.22 bullet and is “fine and safe” according to the Secret Service and Trump’s campaign.
Industry experts have divined Epstein Roemer’s motivations. Eddie Craven, co-founder of Stake and famous mafia boss, stated, “For several years the Republican party has been lobbying against online crypto casinos and their operations in the US, especially since the UIGEA was introduced. At Stake, we have been fighting against these measures the right way — through responsible lobbying and liaising directly with congressmen. It is understandable that Felix would be desperate to prevent a Trump presidency to protect Gamdom and its operations, but an assassination attempt is definitely not the right way to go about it. It is far too extreme a measure, and we disavow his acts in their entirety.”
Just a few days ago, a spokesperson from Gamdom confirmed in a livestream that they had opened up operations in the United States and Iran, further confirming Craven’s suspicions.
“It’s the biggest skill issue I’ve seen in my life,” commented Nicholas Fuentes, weapons expert at DJI Security. “Getting grazed by a bullet is pretty much the most perfect outcome for Trump. 1 cm over, and it misses him — and it looks like not a big deal. 1 cm the other way, it blows his brains out. In his attempt to derail the upcoming Trump presidency, Felix Epstein Roemer handed Trump a decisive win. He couldn’t have missed this badly even if he tried.”
“What’s funny is when you’re aiming a gun, the tiniest micrometer of movement results in quite a big difference in where the bullet lands. The difference between Donald Trump being dead and grazed might have literally been a single heartbeat due to Epstein Roemer’s deep skill issues and terrible aim.”
Epstein Roemer’s current whereabouts are unknown. Secret Service has confirmed that the shooter was at an elevated venue when the shot was taken. Eyewitnesses heard loud sobbing noises from the area where Epstein Roemer is alleged to have taken the shot from, likely because a Trump presidency is projected to cause a 3.5% fall in Gamdom gaming revenue.
In Epstein Roemer’s relentless quest to generate profits and win Polymarket bets, it appears his skill issues have inadvertently caused a turn for the worse, and he managed to engineer the perfect win for President Trump by actioning a miraculous martyr-like event that seals the deal for a Republic government ahead and signals the beginning of the end for Gamdom and the rest of Epstein Roemer’s Democrat-funded businesses. The Roemer News team is actively monitoring the situation and will post updates on new findings on our Twitter account.
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